My husband had an extra-marital affair that ruined me emotionally, physically and spiritually. And yet I can say, with complete conviction, that I am happy. And I was lucky that in my case it really did work out for the best.
But in the beginning I was terrified—for my financial future, and that I'd never meet anyone else.
The prospect of dating after divorce is usually exciting for women, but also pretty terrifying ... When you're a woman back on the dating scene after 10 or more years of marriage, you're an easy target for players and manipulators.
When I divorced (after nearly 18 years of marriage) I was totally unprepared for dating.
I assumed it would be fun and innocent like dating was in high school. Three months after my divorce was final, I "fell in love." He just seemed to know me so well. When my life got complicated and I needed some emotional support, he disappeared.
It seemed like we'd known each other forever and I was eager to express my love for him, sexually. I naively kept reaching out to him thinking he must be going through a tough time too.
I thought I was rebuilding my life with someone new, that I was doing well, but the truth is — he was just using me. A woman I know told me that the first guy she got involved with after her divorce actually said to her: "Wow, you're like every guy's fantasy.
Like a little innocent kitten just set down in the jungle.
You'll believe just about anything to keep your loneliness at bay. The whole world of dating is intoxicating after divorce.
And since you're not a user yourself, it's hard for you to imagine other people behave that way deliberately. You want to get out there and experience it all, to reclaim (or maybe even claim for the first time) your sexual power.
I only wanted to feel "typical"—not some freak or outsider because of my new status.8.
"You're so brave."Another seemingly innocuous comment—well-meaning, and yet I can't think of a single time I heard this that it didn't ultimately feel like pity.9.
After all, he told me that he loved me, so I couldn't imagine that he would just vanish.